They Can’t Be Your Everything: Support vs. Sustenance

As someone who struggles with PTSD, depression, and anxiety, therapy has been super beneficial for my healing journey.  

A couple of weeks ago, my therapist informed me that I hit every single one of my goals this time. We revisit these goals every 6 months. “How exciting,” I thought. Joy immediately spread across my face because I was reminded of how far I’d come. It didn’t always use to be this way. God gets every ounce of glory in my story.

Growing up in a broken home caused me to look for love, affection, and validation in other people. Because my parents didn’t need my emotional needs, I tried to get them met in all my friendships. This led to unhealthy attachment, particularly codependency. I became a leech to everyone I was attached to.

I solely relied on people to make me feel happy, valued and fulfilled. I also tried to be that for people. I often neglected my own needs at the expense of my mental health because I wanted people to see how helpful or caring I was. That way, I felt needed.

Every codependent friendship and relationship ended in severe heartbreak because that’s what pedestals do over time. They wear down and break. This was my story, and it led me to a trail of emptiness. Though my need for support and community was valid and even a godly desire, I was confused about what people could do for me and what only God could do for me.

Support vs. Sustenance

Community is essential to our emotional well-being. After God created Adam and put him in the garden of Eden to work, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him” (Genesis 2:18). In this case, God was referring to Eve; however, it indicates that we as people need each other. We need help. It is not good for us to be alone.

Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” This verse lets us know that sometimes we need support and encouragement. Our friends and other believers are supposed to help carry the loads too heavy for us to carry on our own. We need each other to keep going in this life.

Support is different from sustenance, though. Only Jesus can be our sustenance.

Sustenance is most easily defined as something needed to endure and survive, like food or water. This is why Jesus calls himself the Bread of Life. “Jesus replied, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty’” (John 6:35). Only Jesus can meet every single one of our needs.

While people can support you through tough times, only Jesus can sustain you. People are broken and will never be able to lift you up and give you strength perfectly. People won’t always be there for you. Sometimes people will hurt and disappoint you. People can’t be your everything. Nor were they designed to. 

How can we find support in a healthy way?

So, knowing it’s healthy to live in community with others, how can we seek support without expecting other humans to fill the voids only Jesus can?

Pray for it

Pray, pray, and pray some more. If God said that it is not good for man to be alone, I truly believe He will answer our prayers for support and community. He will place people in your life that can help carry your heavy loads and encourage you. Never stop praying for it. And when you find your community, always remember that people make terrible gods. They cannot fulfill every single emotional need.

Initiate/Go first

Studies show that even though we have more ways to connect to each other than ever before, we’re the loneliest we’ve ever been. Is it possible that everyone is waiting for someone else to go first? What if we went first? What if we invited someone to coffee? Dinner? We’d never make friends if everyone waited for someone else to go first. No, we were not created to be alone, but we also have to take responsibility where we can.

Do you need support or sustenance?

It helps when we can determine the needs that can be satisfied by our community vs. the needs only Jesus can provide. For example, loneliness is a normal part of human life. Many of us can think of a time when we were lonely. Maybe you feel it right now. 

When you’re lonely, asking for support may look like reaching out to a friend and asking to grab dinner or putting something on the calendar with someone you love regularly.

Sustenance, however, is needed when you start to rely on people more than God. What happens when your friends aren’t available? Do you feel empty or hopeless? Do you feel bitter? This is a good indication that you’ve placed the people in your life where God should be. Only God alone can fully satisfy.

Be vulnerable

As scary as it might feel, vulnerability is essential to getting your needs met. People can’t support you if they don’t know what’s going on. Find a few core people you can trust and be open with them. Healing can’t happen when we hide.

One last thing…

I know first-hand that putting people in God’s place leads to disappointment. Maybe we’d have more fulfilling friendships and support systems if we stopped expecting people to be our everything. Maybe we’d go deeper in our relationships with Jesus if we truly believed that He is enough. Something to think about.

XO,