99 Problems & Identity is One
I’m sure many of us have gone through, are currently going through, or have yet to go through a soul-searching process. We’re looking to understand the meaning of life and how we fit into it. We want to know our purpose, who loves us, what makes us happy, and what we love to do. All of this trickles down to identity or, in other words, who am I?
Starting therapy
I sat in my therapist’s office three years ago, and she just listened to me speak. Let’s call her Ava. Pretty early on, Ava told me I had identity issues. Even though I’m pretty open in therapy, when you hear that you have identity problems, it kind of rubs you the wrong way. I don’t have identity issues, I thought. I know who I am. But the truth is, I didn’t. Even though I’m still working on this area, I’ve experienced an exponential amount of healing.
So, I just want to share with you what I’ve learned about identity.
Let’s break it down
After some research and personal experience, I think we can generally break identity down into three different categories: self, others, and God.
Self: How we see ourselves
How we see ourselves include self-image, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. Self-image is how you think your body looks. Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-efficacy is how your feel about your ability to accomplish or achieve something. When we look at ourselves and describe ourselves, it’s usually based on past experiences, insecurities or compliments, accomplishments, or even failure.
Others: How other people see us
Others’ perceptions of us are typically based on things like first impressions, their own insecurities, their personal experiences, or how they think you should be, think, and act.
God: How God views us
This part of identity is unique and different because it’s the only one that’s actually true. This is not to say the other two parts aren’t valid, but they’re flawed because humans have faulty perceptions. However, your identity in Christ is all about how He sees you and who He called you to be; therefore, it’s perfect because He’s perfect.
During my own “soul-searching,” I google searched, “how do I find my identity in Christ?” The first mistake was thinking identity was something I needed to find or discover.
In therapy, Ava had me do an identity exercise from the Bible. She had me read through the book of Ephesians and list out all the words about identity I could find. Right off the bat, starting in chapter one, I saw words like loved, chosen, free, and adopted into the family of God. How incredible is that?
Throughout the entire book of Ephesians, I was able to pick out who God says I am and the labels God has given me. I also noticed that these labels were much different than the labels I had given myself. One of the words about identity in Ephesians is “saint.” God calls us saints. My therapist asked if “saint” is a word I would use to describe myself, and I laughed and said no.
“Ok, we’ll work on it,” she replied. She was saying that we needed to get me to a place where I could see myself how God sees me. In God’s eyes, through Jesus Christ, we are saints.
Why does this matter?
You see, how we view ourselves and how others view us is extremely flawed. It’s not a clear picture because we’re viewing through broken lenses. God, however, has a crystal clear lens that He sees us through — His Son Jesus Christ.
Earlier I mentioned how my first mistake in trying to learn my identity was thinking it was something I needed to find or discover. God spoke our identity over us from the very beginning, so it’s not something we discover; instead, it’s something we accept.
The labels God has given us don’t change based on our situations, how others view us, or how we view ourselves. Who God says we are remains constant. Even though you slip up sometimes, have you accepted that you’re free? Despite your trials in life, have you accepted that you are loved? Even when people reject you, have you accepted that you’re united with Christ? Even when hopeless romantic movies push the idea that there’s someone out there who completes you, will you accept the TRUTH that you’re already complete in Christ?
Even though my therapist and I are still working through some things, one of the biggest things I’ve been learning is the art of releasing myself from the expectations of others and myself. There's so much freedom when you realize that God has the final say.
You don’t have to wallow in disappointment over the milestones society says you should have reached by now. You don’t have to label yourself as anything other than what God has called you. How God feels and thinks of you remains the same always. Allow yourself to be free in that.
If you don’t believe any of this, I encourage you to ask God into your heart. Ask Him to show you how he feels about you. Ask Him to reveal your identity through His word. He will.
If you would like prayer or just chat more about identity, my DM on Instagram is always open! Shoot me a message @jordynimari.
Until next time friends,
