He Said, She Said (Part 2): The Ultimate Guide For Identifying Gossip

In part one of this gossip blog series, we talked about what gossip is and why people do it. If you haven’t read part one, reading that first is important for a good foundation. In part two, we will dive into ways to identify gossip easily.

Remember my friend who lovingly called me out in the last blog? I began to think about why my repeating information hurt her. I didn’t realize the information she shared was embarrassing to her. I figured she just said something funny, and I thought it would be funny to share with others.

However, as we learned in the last blog, gossip is information shared about someone who isn’t present. So, even if I thought it was funny, it wasn’t my information to share without my friend's permission.

This may seem over the top, but what we say truly matters. Furthermore, not everyone you’re sharing with has the same relationship or perception of the person you’re talking about. So what I perceived as just a "funny story" about my friend, someone else perceived as a character flaw in her. It made her look bad to the people who didn’t know her. As another example, where you might think you’re “just venting,” other people might develop a negative perception of this person.

So how do we know when we’re gossiping? Some instances are clear, especially when you share damaging information about another person. But other instances may not be so clear.

I came up with the acronym “I.N.K.” to help us understand how to identify gossip. Just as ink can be permanent, gossip almost always leaves a lasting, negative effect. It’s hard to scrub off, it’s hard to forget, and it leaves an impact on both the person you’re gossiping with and the person you’re talking about.

I.N.K. = involve, necessary, and kind.

Does it involve you?

Sometimes we hear gossip about others and love to spread it (or hear it) just for the juicy drama. If something does not involve you directly, there’s a good chance you should not be talking about it. Gossip causes us to believe the worst about people we’ve never even interacted with ourselves. Even if it does involve you, we have to be careful. The way you talk about other people matters. If the goal is not to bring peace or resolution, again, you probably should not share the information — which leads to the next point.

Is it necessary?

Ask yourself, does sharing this information benefit anyone? Is the information something people need to know? Does sharing this information build the person up or tear them down? We’re talking about intent here. You have to be honest about the reason you’re sharing information. If you’re so concerned about the person, talk to them yourself.

Is it kind?

Lastly, is it kind? Most times, gossip involves hurting people both intentionally and unintentionally. Gossip doesn’t just hurt the person you’re gossiping about, it also affects the person you’re talking to. It can change the way they see someone or what they believe about a person. It can harden hearts, damage reputations, and even ruin relationships.

The Bible says, “and I tell you this, you must give an account on judgement day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you” (Matthew 12:36-37). The word “idle” used in this Scripture is translated as “lazy” or " careless " in the original Greek language. In this passage, Jesus is rebuking the Pharisees. He tells them that a tree is identified by its fruit. If a tree is good, it will bear good fruit. And if it’s bad, it will bear bad fruit. “...Whatever is in your heart determines what you say” (Matthew 12:34).

Gossip is bad fruit, friends. Whatever we talk about is what consumes our hearts. What is your heart saying?

In the final part of this blog series, we’ll talk about practical ways to avoid gossip.

Until next time, friends,