Boundaries Around the Holidays
So, the holidays are here. That can either bring up positive or negative feelings for you.
If you’re anything like me, you dread those “life questions” that come up at family gatherings. I don’t know what it is, but talking about myself for small talk is easily among the top 5 things I hate to do. Fighting, rude comments, and invasive inquiries are all part of the holiday season hustle and bustle for some people. The holidays can be difficult whether you’re married, single, or widowed.
We talk about all things emotional wellness on this side of the internet, and “boundaries” is my favorite “b” word. My second favorite is brunch. 😛 So, as your self-proclaimed emotional wellness bestie, here are 5 healthy boundaries you may want to create for the holidays.
1. Don’t answer questions you’re not comfortable with
Whether it’s questions about who you’re dating or “what’s next” for you, don’t feel obligated to answer any question you don’t want to. Sometimes these kinds of questions give me a little anxiety. Some people are genuinely curious, but others are just being nosey. There’s often an underlying assumption that you should be in a different phase of life than you currently are. So, if you’re uncomfortable answering something, it’s okay to say that you don’t know or don’t want to share information. A moment of awkwardness is better than feeling completely uncomfortable in that moment.
2. Don’t let guilt drive your decisions
If you’re only going to events, hosting dinners, or buying gifts out of guilt, you’ll probably regret it. Holidays can sometimes come with this weird obligation to please everyone, which isn’t healthy. Let me tell you a little secret: Oftentimes, making decisions out of guilt is rooted in insecurity. Maybe you care what people will think of you if you say you don’t have the money for so many gifts this year. Maybe you’re afraid that your mother-in-law will think you’re lazy if you don’t host dinner this year. Whatever it is, let your decisions be rooted in love, not guilt.
3. Don’t blow your budget
This is a difficult one for many people. In the last couple of years, I’ve been more strict about how much I’m spending around the holidays, especially on gifts. I’ve always been incredibly put off by the consumerism of this season. If you’re on a journey of financial freedom like me, you might have to pull back a little bit financially and that’s okay. You may even upset a few people. You can try to set the expectation beforehand, but in the end, your financial goals matter and you’ll be glad you stuck to your budget in the long run.
4. Remove yourself from triggering situations
The holidays can come with a ton of baggage. I don’t know your story, but being around family can be difficult sometimes. One trick I’ve learned around the holidays is the art of “dismissing myself” to another room, usually the bathroom, when I’m triggered. This gives me an opportunity to breathe and recollect myself. Please remember that you don’t have to stay anywhere you aren’t being respected. You don’t have to endure being called names or harshly criticized. If things are getting out of hand and people refuse to reign it back in, kindly show yourself (or others if they’re at your house) the door and thank them for their time. I know there’s some nuance to this, so be sure to make a decision that best fits your situation.
5. No negative self-talk; remember you’re loved
I don’t know your current journey, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t encourage the people who don’t have holiday plans due to grief, no family, or any other reason. This time is probably hard for you and my heart goes out to you. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” The Lord knows your pain and feels it with you. He loves you and cares about you deeply. Just think about that: the Creator of the universe loves you. Don’t let negative self-talk invade your heart and mind this season. Even if this time of year doesn’t look how you want it to, you’re not forgotten.
Everyone could use a little extra love
Dealing with people around the holidays can be difficult. Sometimes we’re the difficult ones. Having healthy boundaries is a good thing and you’ll thank yourself later. Above all — remember to be kind, always. Everyone could use a little extra love.
Additional Resources
Happy holidays,
