Grief & Gratitude: Can We Have Both?

The more I get to know Jesus, the more He reveals all the layers of this woman He created. 

I think we as people (unless you were raised by perfect people in a perfect environment) were groomed to neglect the “not-so-pretty” parts of ourselves, but I think we do ourselves and others a huge disservice when we operate this way.

We are spiritual, physical, emotional, and psychological beings. If God cared enough to create us that way, why shouldn’t we care for all these layers?

I was reminded of this earlier in the week when I was having a really rough day. I just couldn’t stop crying over some hurts I’m still trying to heal from. I felt so sad and ashamed that I was still sad. 

We can’t heal what we don’t feel

It’s so weird how we’ve been programmed to ignore our negative feelings, yet expected to heal. 

It felt like because I was crying so much, somehow I was being ungrateful for the good things happening in my life. But God didn’t feel that way. He wanted me to cry it out, laugh it out, praise it out, and cry it out some more. He welcomed it all.

Over the course of the last couple of years, depression has become the loud neighbor that just won’t move out. Every week I go to therapy, there seems to be one more thing I need to unlearn or heal from, and sometimes it can feel overwhelming or like I’m not making any progress.

In almost every season of my life, I always come back to Psalm chapter 42. Verse 1 is one of my favorite scriptures of all time, but the entire passage gives me hope because it lets me know that it’s OK to have those wavering moments when things don’t look so great. 

Even in moments of depression, the Lord taught me that I could still worship Him. Depression and worship aren’t mutually exclusive. I can struggle with mental health and still bow down at the feet of the Father. In fact, He invites it.

Contrary to popular belief, you can feel sad and still acknowledge the good things happening in your life, and you can also feel happy, but create room to feel the bad things that have happened in your life. This is how we heal.

So, how can we do this? 

Create space

I had to learn the hard way that God often doesn’t just take our pain away. He waits for us to invite Him into it so that we may know Him as Comforter and Friend. 

The moments I’ve experienced the fullness of God are the moments I was hurting beyond measure and created space for that pain. The Lord didn’t tell me to “get over it.” He said, “Give it to Me.”

Create a list of good things happening

When times feel hard, this helps you see that good things are happening. Sometimes in really difficult seasons, we can forget the ways God has moved in our lives. Make this list for a rainy day so you can see how He’s never failed you.

Seek support—from the right people

This was a tough one for me because I have a terrible habit of oversharing and giving people access to me without commitment. Now it’s true that vulnerability is a risk no matter who it is, but if someone hasn’t shown themselves committed to your best interest, it’s probably best you don’t share with them.

But support from the right people promotes growth and healing. They’ll listen and allow you to be where you are. They’ll encourage you to look to Jesus. They’ll respect your confidentiality. No one’s perfect, but there are people who will support you. And if you don’t know who those people are, pray about it. God will reveal them.

Welcome grief and gratitude

There is space for both grief and gratitude in our lives. They can coexist. And the most beautiful part about this is, Jesus welcomes both. We’re the ones that try to cover up the “bad stuff.” Leave room to feel sadness, but also leave room to feel joy.